Birthdays have a funny way of exposing people’s expectations.
Every year someone asks me, “So… what are you doing for your birthday?” And when I tell them I’m taking a solo trip or a solo day out, I usually get the same look.
“You’re going by yourself?”
Yep.
Sure am.
And I wouldn’t have it any other way.
Here’s the thing: somewhere along the way, we were taught that birthdays are supposed to be loud, crowded, and celebrated with a group of people. Dinner reservations. Balloons. Matching outfits. A dozen people singing off-key while you’re pretending not to be embarrassed.
If that’s your thing, I love that for you. But it isn’t mine. For me, my birthday has become something much more meaningful. It’s my annual appointment with myself.
It’s the one day every year where I intentionally pause to celebrate the woman I’ve become.
I think about everything I survived that nobody saw.
The prayers God answered.
The tears I cried in private.
The goals I accomplished.
The healing that happened quietly.
The woman I fought so hard to become.
That deserves more than rushing around trying to make everyone else’s schedule work.
No Expectations. No Disappointments.
One of the biggest gifts of celebrating my birthday alone is that I don’t have expectations of anyone else.
Nobody has to plan anything.
Nobody has to show up.
Nobody has to guess what I want.
Nobody has to validate that I’m worth celebrating.
I do that for myself. That’s a level of freedom that’s hard to explain until you’ve experienced it.
I Get to Be Completely Selfish
The older I’ve gotten, the more I’ve realized something.
Women—especially mothers—spend most of the year making decisions based on everyone else’s happiness.
What does the family want to eat?
Where do the kids want to go?
What works for everyone else’s schedule?
For one day, I don’t compromise.
If I want to sleep until 10, I sleep until 10. If I want to spend four hours sitting on a beach doing absolutely nothing, that’s exactly what I do. If I want steak, dessert, a massage, and another dessert… well… who’s going to stop me?
My birthday is the one day where I unapologetically choose me.
Solitude Doesn’t Mean Loneliness
People often confuse being alone with being lonely. Those are two completely different things.
Loneliness is feeling disconnected. Solitude is choosing peace.
I’ve learned to enjoy my own company so much that silence no longer feels empty.
It feels full.
Full of gratitude.
Full of reflection.
Full of God’s presence.
Full of peace.
And honestly… that’s one of the greatest gifts I’ve ever given myself.
Every Birthday Is a Reset
Birthdays aren’t just about getting older. They’re checkpoints. They remind me that time is moving whether I move with intention or not.
Every birthday I ask myself:
Am I living the life I prayed for?
Am I becoming the woman God called me to be?
What needs to stay in this year?
What can’t come with me into the next one?
That reflection has become more valuable to me than any party ever could.
My Birthday Isn’t an Escape. It’s a Celebration.
Some people assume I travel alone because I’m trying to get away. I’m not.
I’m celebrating.
I’m celebrating surviving seasons I thought would break me. I’m celebrating healing from things I never thought I’d recover from. I’m celebrating buying a home. I’m celebrating raising my son. I’m celebrating writing books.
I’m celebrating becoming a woman who no longer waits for permission to enjoy her own life.
That’s worth boarding a plane for. Or basking in my new glow at the spa.
If Nobody Else Celebrated Me…
I Still Would.
Because I’ve learned something.
The relationship you’ll have for the rest of your life isn’t with a spouse. It isn’t with your friends. It isn’t even with your children.
It’s the relationship you have with yourself.
So every year, I pour into that relationship.
I romance myself.
I celebrate myself.
I thank God for carrying me another year. And then I raise a glass to whatever He’s got planned next.
People can call it weird. They can call it lonely. I call it one of the healthiest traditions I’ve ever started.
Because somewhere along the way, I stopped waiting for someone else to make me feel special.
I decided I already was.
And every birthday, I celebrate accordingly.
"my annual appointment with myself"....the one day you don't plan around anyone else's schedule, don't wait for anyone to show up or guess what you want. and this, loneliness is feeling disconnected, solitude is choosing peace. as a mom who pours out all year, claiming one day (or as many as you want) to pour back into yourself isn't selfish, it's survival. "I stopped waiting for someone else to make me feel special. I decided I already was." added this concept to my life, long ago, never looking back mm 🤎
Love this! I recently brought in my 40th solo. You on the money with this one 🎯