Let’s get real for a minute—there’s a question that can stop you in your tracks, one that hits a place in your heart you’d much rather not talk about:
“Why isn’t my dad around?”
Whew girl!
It’s a question no solo mom ever wants to hear, but many of us do—sometimes when we least expect it. And no matter how much we prepare ourselves, it still stings.
I know this because I’ve been on the other side of that question—not as a mom, but as a child. I was raised by an amazing single mother who did everything in her power to make me feel whole. She never spoke poorly about my father, never tried to paint him as a villain. Instead, she let me form my own opinion about him—giving me the space to build a relationship or not, on my own terms.
But even with her love holding me up, I still wrestled with a quiet voice in my head asking if I was the reason he wasn’t there. Was it something I did? Something about me he didn’t want?
That’s why this topic is so close to my heart—because I know the weight of those questions from both sides.
So, how do we navigate these tough conversations with our babies? Let’s talk about it.
1. Answer Honestly—But Age-Appropriately
Your kiddo doesn’t need to hear the unfiltered and messy adult version of what went down, but they deserve the truth in a way they can understand. If they’re little, keep it simple:
“Your dad isn’t here right now, but it’s not because of you. You are loved, and I’m always here for you.”
For older kids, you can add more context without oversharing.
The key? Don’t lie—because if they find out later (and they will), it could break their trust in you
2. Don’t Bad-Mouth the Other Parent
Look, I know this can be hard—especially if the other parent left a trail of heartbreak behind—and you just want everybody and they mama to know what a scumbag he is. But dragging his name through the mud only adds confusion and pain for your child. And I’m sorry but this isn’t about you but your child.
Instead, try something like:
“I know it’s hard not having your dad around, but I want you to know that his choices are his own. You are not to blame.”
Your child will piece things together as they grow, just like I did. Let them form their own opinions without your anger shaping the narrative.
3. Validate Their Feelings—Even the Tough Ones
If they’re sad, angry, or confused, don’t dismiss those emotions. Let them feel what they feel without rushing to “fix” it.
Say something like:
“It’s okay to feel sad about this. I’m always here to talk whenever you want.”
Let them know it’s safe to express their emotions—no matter how messy.
4. Reassure Them It’s Not Their Fault
This one is big. Kids often blame themselves for a parent’s absence, even if they don’t say it out loud. I definitely did.
Make it crystal clear:
“You didn”t do anything wrong. Your dad’s absence is about him, not you.”
Repeat it as often as they need to hear it.
5. Create a Safe Space for Ongoing Conversations
This isn’t a one-and-done chat. Questions will pop up again—on birthdays, holidays, or even a random Tuesday.
Let your child know they can always come to you. Something like:
“If you ever have more questions or just want to talk about your dad, I’m always here.”
By keeping the door open, you build trust and show them they don’t have to bottle up their feelings.
6. Pour Love into Them
Above all, remind your child that they are deeply loved. Your presence, your support, your consistency—it all matters more than they realize.
My mom’s love was my anchor. Even when I struggled with my father’s absence, I knew I was never alone.
You’re More Than Enough
If you’ve ever felt like you have to “make up” for the other parent’s absence—breathe honey. You are not responsible for being two people. You are one loving, strong, and present parent, and that is enough.
Your child may long for the other parent’s presence—that’s human—but your steady love will carry them through the gaps.
So when those tough questions come, face them with grace, honesty, and a whole lot of love. You’ve got this. And your baby? They’ve got you.
And if you ever need a pep talk or a virtual hug, I’m right here with you. 🫂❤️
Love, light, & courage,
Tiera Nicole
Oh I’m not looking forward to this conversation. Ultimately though, the joy I feel today as a solo mum could not have been achieved with my ex partner