Dating as a solo mom isn’t just about you.
Yes, you deserve love. You deserve grown-up conversations, forehead kisses, and someone who makes you feel safe and seen. But when you’ve got babies in the picture? The stakes are different.
So if a man wants access to your heart and your home, he better come correct. Because the same way I’m protective of my little one’s mind and body, I’m just as protective about who I let around his spirit.
Here’s what I look for in a man who might one day be around my little—and what I suggest you look for too.
1. Emotional Maturity Over Masculine Performance
I don’t care how strong he is, how deep his voice is, or how many bills he can pay. If he can’t regulate his emotions, communicate with respect, or hold space when things get tough, he not sitting at our table.
Because my child doesn’t just need a “man’s man”, he needs a safe man. That’s one avenue I refuse to ever walk down again while dragging my child behind me.
2. Patience Like Sunday Morning
Kids are loud. Messy. Emotional. Repetitive. Magical. Exhausting.
If he gets irritated easily, doesn’t like being “bothered,” or expects kids to act like tiny adults—nah.
The man around your children needs to have the kind of patience that isn’t performative. Not “smile while they’re watching” patience. But “I understand kids are still learning how to be people” patience.
I’m a mother and I still get challenged sometimes with being patient with a feisty, over intelligent 5 year old. That’s why I personally don’t date men who aren’t fathers already. Patience isn’t something that you just wake up and have, it has to be learned and practiced.
3. Gentle Respect for Boundaries (Yours and Theirs)
Your child does NOT have to hug anyone they don’t want to, not even your man. Respect that.
A man who gets offended when your child sets boundaries or acts shy is not someone who is emotionally safe. PERIOD.
You want someone who says, “That’s okay. We’ll build trust in their time.”
That’s the kind of energy that feels like safety, not pressure.
4. Genuine Interest—Without Overstepping
You ever see a man try too hard to impress a kid like he’s auditioning for “Stepdad of the Year”? That’s a red flag waving like a Blue’s Clue.
Sir. Takes several seats… Over there though.
A good man will be kind, consistent, and respectful of your child’s space without forcing connection. He’ll want to know about them without trying to instantly insert himself into the parenting role. Let it flow, not force.
5. Respects Your Parenting—Even If He’s Not a Parent Himself
He doesn’t have to be a dad to understand that parenting is sacred.
He should ask questions, not pass judgment. He should support you. He should NOT be trying to compete with your child for your attention.
You don’t want someone who says, “You’re too soft on them.” Or who tries to insert their unsolicited parenting.
You want someone who says, “How can I support you and your little one?”
As I mentioned, I prefer to date men who are already dads, as I’ve found they have a better grasp on parenting. You get to see what his true parenting styles are by watching him in action with his own. And common parenting styles are essential.
6. Consistent, Not Convenient
It’s cute when he shows up with snacks and coloring books the first time he meets your kid. But consistency is what matters.
Does he follow through on his word?Does he respect your time and schedule? Does he show up even when there’s nothing in it for him?
That’s what separates “boyfriend material” from “family man/husband” energy.
7. Protective, Not Controlling
There’s a big difference between a man who makes you and your child feel safe and a man who wants to control your every move.
Look for the man who double-checks your tires and walks you to your car, not the one who wants access to your location 24/7. The man who’s truly concerned when you share your worry about your child’s long walk home from school, not the one who tries to dictate the actions you should be taking.
You’re not looking for a bodyguard. You’re looking for someone who honors your independence and your safety.
A Final Word, Mama:
You don’t need to rush. You don’t need to “make it work.”
Your child deserves to see you loved well, not just in a relationship.
So the next time someone tries to step into your life and eventually your child’s space, ask yourself:
Is he adding peace or disrupting it?
Is he planting seeds or just passing through?
Would I want my child to grow up and date someone or be like him?
Because at the end of the day, it’s about protection. Of your heart. Of your peace. Of your legacy.
Let’s chat in the comments:
What qualities do YOU look for in a man who might be around your babies? Drop your deal breakers and must-haves—we’re all learning from each other!
These were some great tips that I will use when I start dating. 🥰😊👍 When I had my first child I didn't date until he was about 9. 👶👧💖 I'm not trying to do that again so these are definitely useful. 👍💖😊 Thanks mama 👩👧👦💖🥰