The Unseen Grief of Solo Motherhood
Nobody talks about the grief that comes with solo motherhood—the loss of the dream, the partnership, or the “what could’ve been.”
But I see you.
Grieving the life you thought you’d have while still showing up every day for the life you do have? That’s a quiet kind of heartbreak. It doesn’t come with flowers or balloons or sympathy cards. But it’s real. And it’s heavy.
Grief Isn’t Just for Death—It’s for Living Losses, Too
When folks hear the word grief, they think of funerals and final goodbyes. But solo motherhood comes with a different kind of grief—the kind that sneaks up in grocery store aisles and during preschool graduations.
It’s grieving the partner who left or never showed up.
Grieving the version of you that believed love would always mean support.
Grieving the family unit you imagined when you first saw those two blue lines.
And sometimes, it’s grieving the woman you used to be before life got this hard.
This grief doesn’t always look like tears. Sometimes it’s irritability. Exhaustion. Numbness. Over-functioning. And for many of us? Shame.
Because we think we should be over it. We think we’re supposed to be strong, grateful, and focused on our babies. But sis—you can love your child with your whole heart and still grieve what you lost. That doesn’t make you weak. That makes you human.
So How Do You Grieve?
The same way we do everything else—imperfectly, but with heart. Here’s some helpful tips:
1. Name the Loss
Sometimes you have to say it out loud: “I thought I’d be parenting with someone.” Or “I wanted that happy ending.” Naming it doesn’t make it worse—it gives it shape, so it doesn’t haunt you in the dark.
2. Stop Shaming Yourself for Feeling Sad
You’re allowed to miss what you didn’t get. You’re allowed to feel the weight of doing it all. Releasing shame around grief doesn’t mean wallowing—it means honoring your experience with compassion.
3. Give Yourself Pockets of Peace
You may not have hours to process, but you can steal moments. Sit in your car a little longer before pickup. Take a walk after bedtime. Journal after the house gets quiet. Grief needs space. Give it room to breathe.
4. Connect with Others Who Get It
There’s healing in being seen. Find a community—online, in therapy, or even a trusted friend—who won’t rush your process or minimize your pain. Sometimes all we need is for someone to say, “Me too.”
5. Let God Meet You in the Grief
There’s no pain too big for God. I’ve cried prayers that didn’t have words—just tears. And somehow, He always knew what I meant. Invite Him into the parts you’re still healing. He’s not waiting for you to “get over it”—He’s ready to walk you through it.
You Are Allowed to Mourn What Didn’t Happen
Yes, you’re strong. Yes, you’re capable. But you’re also allowed to be soft. To feel. To grieve.
This isn’t about blaming or getting stuck in the past—it’s about acknowledging the fullness of your experience so you can walk forward whole.
There is no shame in grieving the dream.
There is only strength in honoring what you’ve lived through—and still choosing joy anyway.
Affirmation for the Grieving Solo Mom:
“I am allowed to grieve, and I am worthy of joy. I release shame, invite healing, and hold space for my own softness. My story is still unfolding, and I trust that beauty can bloom even after loss.”
Love, light, and release,
Tiera Nicole