If you’re a solo mom and you’ve never felt guilty for working late, missing a school event, or snapping at your kid, tell me your secret. The rest of us? Chile, we feel that guilt deep in our bones.
We carry it in our diaper bags, tuck it under our pillows at night, and try to pray or Pinterest it away. But let’s keep it real—mom guilt hits different when you’re doing this parenting thing solo. It creeps in when you’re juggling bills, bedtime stories, and broken crayons… all while wondering if you’re doing enough.
Where That Guilt Comes From
Most of the time, solo mom guilt doesn’t come from what we’re doing wrong—it comes from everything we’re trying to do right.
Here’s a quick hit list of where it likes to sneak in:
Working long hours to keep the lights on (but missing playdates and parent-teacher meetings)
Saying no to the 14th snack request because you’re mentally tapped out
Needing help—whether it’s from your parents, siblings, or a trusted village
Taking time for yourself, only to sit there feeling bad about it the whole time
Sound familiar?
How I Learned to Let Go (Well… Mostly)
As a police officer, I’ve had to spend a lot of time away from my son. I can’t lie—watching my parents step up and fill in the gaps made me feel like I failed not only my son but them. Instead of being empty nesters, they were taking on the role of the “other parent”. That kind guilt? Hoooonneeeyy, it was loud.
But then I realized something powerful: I’m not choosing work over my son—I’m choosing work for my son. I had to come to grips with the fact that I couldn’t control the actions (or lack thereof) of his absent father. I just knew that I had to show up everyday and do what’s best for him.
So instead of pretending everything’s perfect, I keep it real with him. I tell him, “Mommy’s job helps take care of you.” And he gets it. Now, even at just five years old, he tells me, “Have a wonderful day at work, Mommy.”
I also communicate with him that even though he doesn’t have a dad around like some of his friends, our little family is still very special. Seeing his eyes light up as he tells me I’m his Super Hero, chile, where are the tissues??
That’s when I knew: Guilt doesn’t have to run the show.
Here’s How You Start Releasing It:
1. Talk to Your Babies
You’d be surprised what kids understand when you take the time to explain. Let them know why you work, why you’re tired, and why sometimes you need a minute to yourself. Or even the hardest conversation of them all, why their other parent isn’t around. Kids are more emotionally intelligent than we give them credit for.
2. Redefine ‘Enough’
You don’t have to be the classroom mom, the PTA president, and the bake-sale queen all at once. Showing up with love, intention, and a few popsicles? That’s enough.
3. Lean Into Your Village
Accepting help doesn’t make you weak—it makes you wise. If grandma’s cooking dinner or Uncle’s doing pickup, your child still feels loved. Love doesn’t always look like being physically present every second. It also doesn’t always look like a two parent household. While absolutely ideal, there are some two parent households that lack the love and support of single parent households. Love looks like consistency, communication, and care, regardless of where it comes from.
4. Show Yourself the Same Grace You Give Your Kids
Would you ever guilt-trip your child for needing rest? For asking questions? For not being perfect? Nope. So stop doing it to yourself. Period.
5. Remember Your Why
You’re not just grinding for the sake of it. You’re building something—stability, security, a legacy. Keep that vision close when the guilt tries to creep back in.
Final Word:
You’re doing your best. And that? That is more than enough.
So the next time that guilt tries to tap you on the shoulder and whisper, “You’re not doing enough…”—I want you to stand tall, flip your hair, and say:
“I’m doing the damn thing. And I’m doing it with love.”
Now go ahead and let that guilt go—for real this time.
Love, light, and a clear conscience,
Tiera Nicole