Plot Twist: Maybe I’m Not Lazy
Can I be honest?
I’ve been dragging my own behind lately.
You know that little voice in your head that likes to clock in for work every morning even though nobody hired her? Yeah, her.
Mine has been telling me:
“You never finish anything.”
“You’re always starting stuff.”
“Why can’t you get it together?”
And for a minute?
I believed her.
I looked around at all the unfinished projects, half-written ideas, and things sitting on my to-do list collecting dust and thought, “Dang, maybe she’s right.”
Then I had to stop myself.
Because hold on.
Let’s review the receipts.
I wrote a book.
I bought a house.
I’m raising a whole child.
A WHOLE CHILD.
By myself.
Now don’t get me wrong. I still have enough unfinished projects to keep me busy until 2047. But let’s not act like I haven’t accomplished anything.
Lately I’ve been wondering if there might be a reason my brain works the way it does.
I’ve got a formal ADHD evaluation coming up in a few weeks and baby… the more I learn about ADHD in women, the more things start making sense.
The overwhelm.
The procrastination.
The constantly feeling behind.
The having 37 ideas before breakfast.
The starting one task and somehow ending up reorganizing a closet, researching cruises, and creating a new business plan all before lunch.
If you know, you know.
The thing that finally made me seek answers wasn’t that I couldn’t do things.
It’s that I felt paralyzed.
There are days when I know exactly what needs to be done.
I want to do it.
I need to do it.
And somehow my brain just stares back at me like, “Girl, I got nothing.”
That’s a frustrating place to be.
Especially when you’re a single mom.
Because the world expects us to keep pushing.
Keep producing.
Keep showing up.
Keep doing all the things.
Meanwhile we’re over here carrying enough responsibilities for three adults.
What hit me recently is that I’ve spent so much time focusing on what I haven’t finished that I’ve completely ignored what I have.
I haven’t launched every idea.
But I launched some.
I haven’t finished every project.
But I finished a book.
I haven’t checked every box.
But I bought a house.
And somehow I’ve managed to keep a tiny human alive long enough for him to make it to kindergarten.
I’d say that’s worth a little credit.
So while I wait for answers, I’m trying something new.
Instead of asking myself why I can’t seem to do more…
I’m asking myself why I’m refusing to acknowledge everything I’ve already done.
Because maybe the problem isn’t that I’m lazy.
Maybe the problem is that I’ve been measuring my worth by my unfinished projects instead of my actual accomplishments.
And baby, those are two very different things.
So if you’ve been beating yourself up lately, this is your reminder to check the receipts.
Not the ones from your inner critic.
The real ones.
You might discover that you’re doing a whole lot better than you think.
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