February’s Solo Mom Spotlight

Introducing Shemika Brown

Just as promised, every month I want to step aside and spotlight a solo mom who’s out here getting the job done!

So welcome to February’s Solo Mom Spotlight, featuring Ms. Shemika Brown. Her story really spoke to me and I know it will resonate with you too!

Introductory Questions

1. Tell us a little about yourself! What’s your story, and how did you navigate becoming a solo mom?

I am a 42-year-old divorced single mom of twins. Born and raised in Maryland to immigrant parents of Caribbean descent. I am also a mompreneur. I’ve been full time self-employed for seven years now. I navigate the solo mom life by establishing and leaning into my village as needed or necessary. Also, by embracing the fact that as a parent I may not have all the answers and or solutions but I can be a resource for my kids, and at times just being the conduit to the solution is sufficient.

2. What does a typical day in your life look like?

A typical day in my life starts early 6 am, I’m up making my twins lunch, then I drive them to school and then head to my office. I manage a call center of self employed tele sales agents. At 1:45pm I go and pick my daughter up and bring her back to the office and we have lunch, then I hop back on the phones. At about 5 I’m headed to pick my son up from practice, I may uber him depending on if I’m busy or the weather and then I may either go back to my office for a few or head on home. My day usually ends around 8/9 pm.

3. How would you describe yourself in three words?

Three words I would use to describe me are resilient, bold, and fiercely loyal

Parenting Journey

4. What’s been the biggest challenge of being a single mom, and how have you overcome it?

The biggest challenge for me being a single mom is helping my twins (boy and girl) navigate the path of an absentee parent. I have had my dad all my life and till this day he plays a vital role in my life and my children’s life. So, I’m unable to assist them from experience. I tell them all the time that I will never know their feelings and thoughts or understand their experience, but I will listen and I will not police their feelings. Another common thread I think with single moms do most that I know is overcompensation.

5. What’s one thing about solo motherhood that people don’t talk about enough?

I think the thing that isn’t talked about enough when we discuss single moms is guilt on so many levels. Maybe it’s the choice of the other parent, not enough work life balance, overcompensation, other broken relationships or bonds etc.

6. What’s your proudest “mom moment” so far?

My proudest mom moment so far (I’ve had many) is just raising 2 well-adjusted, well-mannered adaptable kids. As parents we love our kids, but we don’t always like who they are as people. I LOVE the two human beings that are on loan to me. I’m raising two independent thinkers and leaders. I’m also proud of the bond we have. We share a special closeness that I cherish and pray does not diminish anytime soon.

7. How do you manage parenting while pursuing your own goals and passions?

This one, for a while I struggled with mom guilt, but I have found that by being transparent with my kids and involving them in the business and goals they get to see mom kick butt in real time and achieve not only mine but our goals. Not only is it dope but it is necessary. I want my children to know that whatever they want is feasible if they are willing to put in the work and the effort. I’m in sales so my kids have been there for almost every milestone, promotion, recognition etc. That’s important because then they’re able to see mom’s sacrifices have not been in vain and funnily, they get even more competitive than I do at times. Nothing builds confidence like accomplished goals so allowing them a peek into that is definitely an added bonus.

Self-Care and Balance

8. How do you prioritize “me time” as a solo mom?

Honestly that is still a work in progress for me, I think that’s another thing that isn’t discussed with single moms. Some of us don’t know how to turn it off or just BE. I take days for myself occasionally, I talk to girlfriends to vent at times, I also value my adult time with my friends. I have not taken a solo trip yet but have plans to do so and am still overdue for a personal spa day.

9. What’s your favorite way to unwind after a long day?

My favorite way to unwind is a hot shower with the temperature on hell, some shower steamers, candles, music, and a good book with pages—no kindle. Or watching reruns of old tv shows.

10. Do you have a go-to self-care ritual that keeps you grounded?

I get my hair, nails, and feet done regularly so that would be my ritual. Something about that pampering—and what does Deion Sanders say, “When you look good you feel good and when you feel good you play good.” I agree with that one. I also make a conscious effort to spend uninterrupted time with my elderly parents. They are at the point where they value presence over presents. Finally I like to do a new experience, whether it be place, food, activity etc by myself and one with the kids every so often.

Inspiration and Advice

11. Who inspires you as a mother, and why?

I’m inspired by LOTS of mothers…my mom, my aunts, cousins, best friends and you (Tiera Nicole) included. I think you can learn from ANYONE if you pay attention so I’m always observing, asking questions, and implementing as I go along. The ability to take pieces of all those people is dope since there isn’t a one size fits all for motherhood.

12. What advice would you give to other single moms who might be struggling?

Hang in there, don’t beat yourself up and please, please, please find and build your tribe. The beautiful thing about adulthood is that you get to choose your village, so take your time and do that. Find your family and they do not have to be related. Also, please don’t feel less than if you’re tired or overwhelmed. HELP is never a bad thing or a sign of weakness.

13. If you could go back and tell your younger self one thing about motherhood, what would it be?

If I could go back and tell my younger self one thing about motherhood is that it is even better than you could have ever imagined. Is it challenging? yes, but to have 2 people always rooting for you and in your corner. It just makes the wins all the sweeter.

Fun and Personal

14. What’s a hobby or activity you love doing that your kids think is “annoying” or “just like a mom”?

I love annoying my kids. I tell them that’s the least they can do to repay me. Teenagers are at that weird stage where EVERYTHING annoys them just breathing is a problem lol. They also do not want to take pics for me and think my music being loud is embarrassing. My music preference has also come under fire from my son.

15. If you had a full day to yourself, no responsibilities, what would you do?

A full day to myself no responsibilities, I would sleep late and wind up at somebody’s beach, pool, and/or water. Eating a good brunch would also be on the list and then some furniture shopping and finally a comedy show.

16. What’s your favorite mom hack that makes your life easier?

My favorite mom hack that makes life easier, especially being self-employed is my google calendar. I am at the stage where I could walk into a room and forget what I came in for so yeah that definitely allows for a smoother life. That and having my daughter to remind me of things LOL.

17. Name one song that’s the soundtrack of your life right now.

Black Queen by Chancellor Jay is the soundtrack for my life right now.

Looking Forward

18. What are your goals or dreams for the next year?

My goals and dreams for the next year are to be the #1 agent in the nation at least once, (I’ve been as high as 3) save for a down payment to purchase a home, and to mentor another 6-figure earner on our team. Also, my goal is to double my income from last year. Finally to successfully make it through 2 proms, driving school for 2 teenagers and cars.

19. How do you teach your children about resilience and self-love?

I teach my children about resilience by just being me. I divorced my children’s father (ex husband) when they were 3 and I’ve always been a model to love yourself first, BEFORE anyone else. My open line of communication allows them to come and talk to me about ANYTHING regardless of how uncomfortable or taboo it may be. Now that my twins are 15 and navigating friendship and other relationships, I live my life out loud and transparently, I highlight not only the good but the mishaps, l own them and tell as well as show them how to focus on the lesson and not the loss. I encourage them to fail forward and not to let fear paralyze them.

20. What legacy do you want to leave for your kids?

The legacy I hope to leave for my children is a woman who lived and loved fiercely and on her own terms. We only get 1 shot at this thing called life, so have fun, work and play hard and go out there and TAKE what you WANT! In life you get what you negotiate NOT what you deserve.

I want to thank you so much, Shemika! Your story is amazing and your personality shines through your words. So how can readers keep in touch with you?

My social handle is my name: Shemika Brown on FaceBook
My website address is https://funeraladvantageagent.com/shemika-brown/

If you’d like to be considered for one of The Solo Mom Life’s “Solo Mom Spotlights”, comment below or email me at tieranicolespeaks@Gmail.com

Love and light,

Tiera Nicole