Dating as a Single Mom in Your 40s (The Truth)

Dating in your 40s hits different.

Dating in your 40s as a single mom? That’s a whole different conversation that frankly, I never thought I’d be having.

But let’s have it. Cause I ain’t NEVER scared. Or scarred.

This isn’t a fairy-tale version. This is the real, unfiltered truth. The kind you only learn through experience, healing, and realizing you are way too grown for nonsense.

And before we even start, let me say this clearly:

You are not bitter. You’re better informed. So miss me with anything somebody else gotta say.

---

The Dating Pool Has Changed

Let’s not pretend the dating pool is the same as it was in our 20s or even 30s. It’s not. We are not chasing these thrills and rollercoaster rides.

In our 40s, everybody got a past. But also claims to be healed. Ppphhhhttt! Yea ok, until patterns show up faster than promises.

At this stage, you’re no longer dating potential, you’re dating behavior. Confusion, inconsistency, and emotional chaos are immediate turn-offs. If it feels chaotic, it’s already a no. You know that saying, “when someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time”? Yea that should be the dating motto of the 40 and over crowd.

Red flags don’t get prettier with age. They get rather… sad. Throw that fish back in the soiled sea sis.

And if it’s confusing, it’s not a test—it’s information. You are not an airplane, stop wasting your time with Mix Signals McGhee.

You’re Not Desperate—You Have Standards

Your standards didn’t go up because you’re picky (although you should be alittle bit), they went up because your self-respect did. You’re not asking for perfection. You’re asking for clarity, effort, emotional safety, and respect. Heavy on all the above.

When we’re younger, we tend to accept kind of anything just as long as he’s cute, right? And it wasn’t even that you were desperate then, it just was more likely that you would lower your standards for the guy you wanted, even if he wasn’t right for you.

But now that you’ve had some life experiences under your belt and some wisdom in your brain, those standards become a fixture in your life that have no room for the low efforts of a buster. High standards scare low effort every time.

Your Child Comes First (Non-Negotiable)

This part is not up for debate.

Your child comes first. Not sometimes. Always. Especially while just dating. So school activities, sports, play dates, whatever; your potential partner has to understand that they will not be the priority in the beginning.

And besides, you’re not rushing introductions anyway. Depending on the age of the child, introductions don’t need to happen until commitment is at least considered. So because of that, you’re not rearranging your child’s stability for a date.

Oh and you’re not explaining why your child is your priority. Any grown, emotionally secure man should understand that. Anyone who feels threatened by your role as a mother is not your person. Simple.

A man trying to compete with your child already lost. And needs psychological help.

You’re dating—not handing out family access passes.

Healing Changes Who You’re Attracted To

Here’s the plot twist nobody warns you about: healing will mess up the type of man you’re attracted to.

The chaos that once felt exciting now feels exhausting. Inconsistency stops feeling intriguing and starts feeling irritating. And that “spark” you used to chase? Yeah… now it looks like a red flag with abs… Or a dad bod… It’s more than likely a dad bod.

Peace starts to feel attractive. Consistency becomes sexy. Emotional maturity turns into the bare minimum. And calm is the new chemistry.

Loneliness vs. Settling

Let’s be honest—there are moments when being single feels lonely. Especially at night. Especially when the house is quiet. Even when you have dates lined up, that solo sleep will get to the strongest of us.

But there’s something that’s even more lonely… Settling.

Being with someone who doesn’t see you, value you, or respect your life as a single mom will drain you faster than solitude ever could. In your 40s, you should be at a point where you’ve come to love yourself fully and therefore know that while amazing, companionship is something that is a want; a choice. Not an act of void filling.

Lonely nights are much more rewarding than miserable years.

The Right Person Won’t Compete With Your Life

The right man won’t compete with your motherhood. He won’t compete with your independence. He won’t compete with your healing.

He’ll add peace instead of stress. He’ll communicate instead of confuse you. And he’ll understand that your life is already full—he’s just meant to complement it.

There really are men out here who find joy in trying to out do the woman they’re with just as an ego boost for themselves. We don’t do those kinds of men. We don’t do the men who don’t support your wins. Or the men who try to guilt trip you into spending time with them versus your kid.

Takeaway: If he adds stress, he subtracts himself.

Peace is the price of admission. Most don’t even have the currency for it.

---

Final Thoughts

If dating as a single mom in your 40s has you questioning yourself, let me remind you of a few things:

You are not behind.

You are not damaged.

And you are not asking for too much.

You’re finally asking for the right things. You’re not late—you’re selective. You’re not hard to love—you’re hard to fool. And you’re not single because you can’t find someone—you’re single because you refuse to settle.

And honestly? That’s power.

P.S. If this post hit a little close to home, my book, A Rose Is Still a Rose: The Journey to Rediscovering You (After Relationship Trauma), is for the woman who’s been bent, bruised, and tried—but never broken. If relationship trauma made you forget who you were, this book walks you back home to yourself, reminding you that your worth never wilted.

Pick up your copy today and let’s bloom together! https://a.co/d/2JOPnU0